Letting Go
by Ravenclawtheatergeek
Summary: Summer calls Alex to tell her about Marissa's death. It's femslash so don't read it if you don't like that kind of thing. Really fluffy mushy one shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own The O.C. or any of the characters if I did Olivia Wilde wouldn't be with Marissa she'd be with me.**

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**It had been too long since I had seen Marissa Cooper, too long since I had seen her beautiful face, too long since I had talked to her. My life had crashed in on it's self since we had broken up. She was the one person, boy or girl, that I had truly fallen in love with. I knew from the moment we had met that she could never love me the way I loved her. Maybe if it hadn't been for Atwood. They were like super-couple no matter what happened, no matter who got in their way they would always got back to each other, and no matter how much I wished I could change that no one could ever change Marissa. She was so much more independent than any of the other Newport girls, not to mention she could throw down more liquor than a lot of the guys I had dated. Life just wasn't the same without her.**

**After that night at the bon-fire I moved to LA. I wanted to pursue a career in music, maybe be a producer or talent scout. I soon found a job as an intern at the very bottom of Strawberry Records. I wasn't getting paid, but I bartended with any extra time I had so I got by. The biggest perk was I got to travel all over California with my boss checking out bands, it was amazing and totally made up for living in a apartment that smelled like pee and eating Ramen Noodles every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.**

**It was one of those rare freezing evenings in LA and I was exceptionally bored so I had brought my bosses secretary home for a "fun night." These "fun nights" with random strangers and willing colleagues had been the extent of any romantic relationship I had tried to make happen since I moved away from Newport. **

"**Do you know how hot you are when you're spontaneous Kellie?" Ellie, the secretary, whispered in my ear as I backed her up onto my bed. "Despite that wonderful minty fresh urine smell your apartment has," she managed to fit in between kisses. **

"**You get the boss to actually give me a salary and then we'll talk." **

"**It's called an internship for a reason babe."**

"**Exactly, so let's not talk." At that she began to pull my shirt off as I loosened the buttons on her blouse. My cell phone began to ring and I pulled back from the brunette to get it out of my purse. I looked down at the number it looked familiar but I just couldn't figure out who it was. I held my finger up to Ellie signaling for her to wait a second. **

"**Alex Kellie," I answered.**

"**Alex." The voice I heard on the other line was one I hadn't heard in a while one that was accompanied by a whole flood of memories, both good and bad.**

"**Summer, what's up."**

"**Alex, I have some really bad news." Her voice sounded thick with tears, and she gasped to catch her breath from what sounded a very long time spent balling her eyes out.**

"**Summer, what's wrong."**

"**It's Coop, it's Marissa, she's….she's…she's…"**

"**Okay, Summer take a deep breath." I heard a quick ragged gasp from the other line that sounded like it would better suit someone who was drowning. **

"**She's dead Alex." Everything went silent. A million things rushed through my head, a million excuses as to why she wasn't really dead. I mean she couldn't be. Not the strong independent woman I had come to know. **

"**Summer, no she's not. This is all some sick joke right. Summer, this isn't funny." The only response I got was more loud, wet tears. I looked over at the half-naked girl next to me, waiting with her feet dangling off the edge of my bed. She was chewing on her lip and looking at me impatiently. "Ellie, go home."**

"**What? Come on Kellie I'm sure It's not that important." **

"**Dammit, Ellie go home."**

"**Fine, jeeze, but hey, you drove me here." I pulled some cash out of my wallet.**

"**Call a cab." She looked back as she walked out and gave me a look that said "It better be pretty damn important." **

**I put my phone back to my ear and spoke into the speaker, "Summer, what happened."**

"**Car accident. Ryan was driving and…"**

"**Wait a second Ryan was driving," I screamed, "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch! Was he drunk, because I swear to God…**

"**No, it wasn't his fault. It was this other guy Marissa's ex. The bastard rammed them off the road." This was followed by more loud sobs, and although I had been trying to keep my self together I just lost it. Huge tears came rolling down my face and it was silent once again. After what seemed like an eternity. I broke the silence. "DAMMIT!" I screamed as I threw a pillow against the wall **

"**DAMMIT." Another pillow hit the wall. Right now I just needed to yell and cry. I was pissed, pissed at the world, pissed at Marissa's crazy ex, pissed at my self. **

"**I just thought you should know," Summer said. Now we were both balling our eyes out, and anything either of us said was barely comprehendible. "She really did care about you, you know. She really wanted you guys to work out. She just…she…"**

"**She was just in love with Atwood."**

"**If Ryan wasn't around you guys would probably still be together."**

"**If Ryan wasn't around she would still be alive," I hissed. I became silent again. Silence was becoming all to common that night. It was painful because it forced me to think about her. Her touch, her eyes, the way she got that mischievous look in them. I remembered the time she tried to do the laundry and turned all of our white clothes pink. I winced in pain as I thought of our very first kiss on the beach. I could almost feel her lips on mine. It was the best feeling I had ever known. It was something I remembered everyday. I would pull it out of my memory when I was happy, when I was sad, and when I was missing her. So basically all the time.**

"**Summer I have to go."**

"**Bye, Alex." **

**Up until that point I had hung onto this idea that one day I would see her again. Maybe one day she would take me back. I was never one for fairy tales, but I clung tightly onto the fantasy of my happy ever after. As I lay there curled up on my bed, tears soaking through the sheets, I let that fairy tail slip out of my grasp. I finally let Marissa Cooper go.**

"**Marissa," I whispered, "I will always love you."**

**I didn't know how I felt about Heaven, but I knew I thought it was real. I hoped Marissa was hearing me right now.**

"**I always loved you." **

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**A/N: So what do ya think. I was up at like 2 am making this one. I'm a bit of an insomniac. Any ways I'd love some constructive criticism but really people be nice. Other wise I'm all ears, or I guess It's eyes. Anyways R&R. I seriously love it. **


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